Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My brain is broken...

I haven't really had much inspiration to write lately. I am trying to get my head on straight right now. My depression has started to act up again so I got back on my old medicine and it is helping so far. Hopefully this works for a while b/c I am tired of going to the doctor. I have been to the doctor more this year then I have my entire life (all because of my depression). I guess it's good that I am trying to do something about it though. I know lots of people worry about me and want me to be happy, but I will tell you, the only thing you can do to help me is to pray for me. This is something I will have to take care of on my own. I bought a "depression map" workbook. I find that it is helping me. You have to answer questions and rate your symptoms and things like that and it tells you exactly what chapters to look at for your solutions. I like it because it feels more personal. Depression is different for everyone and I like that it isn't just a general idea of what depression should be. It is actually a book for my own symptoms and things. So, that's what I have been working on...finding my own solutions to help myself out. The only person who can change my thinking, behavior, etc. is me and that will take me a very, very long time. I might never be 100% back to normal, but at least I can be most days.
This is even a big step for me, I normally don't like people to know my problems, but here I am putting it out there for anyone to read. I am also taking those art classes, I would have never done that before. I am just taking tiny steps right now toward me getting well, anything else would overwhelm me.
Does anyone else suffer from depression and maybe have any suggestions to feeling "normal"? Just wondering...I like to hear from everyone out there. I always learn something new.


Terry@quilt-nut said...

I am in prayer for you. I love you. I pray you find your normal (it is different for everyone) and happiness. All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy and serving the Lord. It will happen. I believe.

Linda said...

I found your blog a couple weeks ago. You have inspired me to be creative in my journal.

I have depression. I'm on medicine for it, but it helps only with the crying fits and confusion (which is a great thing).. It doesn't help with my thought patterns which make me to do things which aren't sane. I seem to be deluded into thinking that a new car, a new camera is going to help.

Most recently.... I pulled a doozie. I decided one day that I have to get my weight under control. I flew to mexico and got lapband surgery.. Probably the most drastic insane action that I have taken.. but my point is... I'm safe. I will use these decisions that were not made with a clear state of mind to better myself anyway.

This didn't help probably, but I wanted to respond. You are not alone. If you ever want someone to talk you off the ledge (kidding)... my email address is

I love your blog.


Retro Girl said...

My brother battles severe depression and I know how difficult it can be. It can cause physical pain as well as mental/emotional pain.

I sometimes think I suffer from mild depression related to leaving my friends, family, home, job etc to move to IL with my hubby's new job. It's really hard sometimes. It can affect every aspect of your life sometimes.

The biggest thing is that you recognize it and are trying to do something about it (that's more than I can say for myself sometimes...) That's a positive step in the right direction.

I think you're doing positive things like reaching out to others for support through your blog, exploring art and sharing that with others, taking art classes which I think helps conquer some fear and anxiety maybe and lets you express yourself, reading and researching things. I've read that staying physically active can help with depression and the physical pain aspects of it as well.

I think alot of us out here wonder if we are "normal" or go through our days wondering if the things we think and feel are "normal" or if others feel and think like us. I think the answer is yes - there are a lot of us out there feeling this way. You're not alone *HUGS* Who can define "normal"?

I think there is no set standard "normal"...but we feel so pressured to look, act, feel, be a certain way in today's society that it can really make us wonder what 'normal' is. I think "normal" is whatever makes us happy or content. And that is different for each person. Sometimes I think that if I just stop obsessing or fussing over achieving that certain special state of "perfection" or normal...and be content with what I have, what I am, and what I do...and just focus on doing it to the best of my ability...then I will have truly achieved success. Does that make sense? lol.

Sorry to have rambled on....I wish you only the best on your journey to discover yourself, and to fight depression. Please know that you have friends out here...even if we've never met face to face...friends who care and are here for you whenever you need someone to chat or to just listen....

One last thing...not sure if you are familiar with Joel Osteen or his books...or even like that sort of thing. But I found these books at the library and found them to be so encouraging, so insightful:
"Become a Better You" , and also "Your Best Life Now-7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential" and "Starting Your Best Life Now: A Guide for New Adventures and Stages on Your Journey" Thought you might be interested in checking them out.


Elsita :) said...

I had a depression crisis after I had my first baby, for about 4 months. It was the most difficult time in my life since I couldn't control my negative impulses and thoughts (I never had medications to help me cope with this, that was a mistake) But the way I came out of it was CREATIVITY. DOING THINGS WITH MY HANDS, WRITING, LISTENING TO NICE MUSIC and very important, the patience and understanding of my husband. Creating things with your hands and keeping your mind busy with positive things is a great medicine, it worked for me.

Now my life is super busy, I have two children to take care of. My little boy is Autistic and it takes lots of time and energy to take him to the daily therapies but i do it happily and I always bring something with me to create, i always have a sketch book with me or anything that keeps me busy. Having my own blog and sharing my ideas and work with other people is also a great way to have the support from other people.

I think that you will be OK because you are very aware about yourself and your feelings. I send you a big hug and lots of love!!!!!

Elsita :)

(I am going to link your blog to my blog so i can find you with a little click :)

Apple said...

Thank you Elsita. it's nice to know that there are other people out there who feel the same way as me.