Sunday, December 2, 2007

I feel the need to spill my guts at the moment so I hope you want to listen (if not then just skip this post) ha ha!! :)

This is me and just about my entire life I have felt bad about myself. I have horrible self esteem issues that I could never seem to totally get rid of. This morning I was reading thru all of my old diet journals and things. I was of course feeling bad about myself because since some of those journals I have gained like 50 pounds. I have tried lots of diets and none of them ever stuck. I also used to worry about what other people think about me (I am not over this entirly yet). Everytime someone has something negative to say, I just remember and repeat it over and over (I am also learning how not to take these things to heart).
Anyway, this morning I had enough. I am tired of feeling bad about myself just because of how I look. I want to grow as a person on the inside and not have to worry and obsess over dieting and losing weight and such.
So, I had my own little ritual. I sat in my front yard and burned all of my old diet books and diet journals. Yes, I burned them. Now, I can stop agonizing over the past and what I used to weigh. I want to focus on the here and now. I am just going to eat right when I can and not "diet", and I am going to move my body everyday for my heart health and not worry about the "fatness" anymore. If I lose weight, then fine, and if I don't, then fine. I am going to stop putting myself down about it. I guess you could say I had an epiphany!! ;)

(Look at those papers really felt good to watch that. I felt like I was burning all of my bad feelings away). :)

I know there will be times where I will feel down, but I will try my very hardest to remember this little ritual of mine and remember to always feel good about myself. If I have too then I will just put everything into my journal...all those bad feelings, and those things that I call myself, everything. I will just put it all down on paper (and here on my blog) to get it all out of me.
Thank you all for listening!!!


  1. Hi hon, I hoped this helped you because I hate to see you suffering. You brighten my day every day and I know that you are a wonderful person no matter what the scale says. I love you! Mom

  2. I too have had a weight issue for as long as I can remember and always felt bad about myself! I can relate to it I always used to think if I lost some weight my life would be better. I finally felt good about myself and was healthy too then I was struck by a chronic illness about 5 years ago and have put on weight purely from medications so I am trying to live with that. It can be hard but I also am sick of it being all consuming. I TOO LOOOVE VW Beetles!!! and Kombis!! It's great you are moving on!!!

  3. Good for you - that had to be a very liberating moment!!

    Funny, we are alot alike! I did something similar... when we moved to IL, and I left my old job....I brought some files and copies of documentation I kept as a supervisor on a very psycho employee who made my life hell...I burned it all in the fire-pit in the back yard as a way to totally release the past and move on...It felt so good, and helped me let go of so much anger, resentment, and stress.

    I too have struggled with weight off and on my whole life and with self confidence issues. I once lost 40 lbs at weight watchers and kept it off for like 5 years...but then it slowly all crept back on, plus some, unfortunately.

    I'd love to lose it again...but it is very difficult...especially as we get older, it comes off way slower. I am trying to just take it one day at a time, and like you - do what I can, when I can...but I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'm going to walk my treadmill when I have time...and when I do I work hard. But if I don't - I'm not going to berate myself. I try to eat healthy when I can...but if I mess up...I try to forgive and get back on track...we can't be perfect all the time...we're human! :-)

    You have to see yourself for WHO you are, not what you look like. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Just take it one day at a time...I love what Dotti says on her website ( --- "One day at a time...No Guilt, and Move On"

    If you ever need a support buddy - email me...drop me a line. I think you are a very sweet, kind hearted intelligent, wonderful person. You're inspiring with your art and your down-to-earth style. Thanks for being a bloggy friend.

    Take care

  4. Wow. sorry that comment was a freakin' novel! LOL.


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